Journaltime

Christmas stalactite

2009-01-04T16:58:00.000-08:00

Christmas at our home is festive - lots of decorations, garlands, a plethora of snowman keep watch from the mantle above the front door, a village display and lots of candles. Christmas Eve celebration can't begin until candles are lit throughout the living and dining rooms. I'm not known for the quality of the candles - just the plentitude. And so this year once again, we lit the candles, among them a lovely red pillar candle set perfectly in a festive candle holder and placed at one end of the piano, joining the other colorful decorations. The evening began with our traditional fondu dinner, this year especially delicious as we enjoyed a new fondu sauce for the meat rather than the usual oil. This type of dinner takes a while and we lingered at the table for an hour and a half or so. We then made our way to the living room, enjoyed the Christmas story reading and began the process of passing out the multitudinous packages! Mindy reached beside the tree to grab a large, flat, wrapped package that happened to have "to Jeremy" on the tag and was surprised to find that it wouldn't budge from it's home alongside the piano. Perplexed, she tugged again and then took a closer look. The red pillar candle on top of the piano had burst through its side, completely overstepping the boundary of the holder and had made its way down the side of piano, eventually coming in contact with the top of the package, dripping down its length securing it to the floor in a pool of hardened wax. The formation of wax was solid from the candle itself to the floor, draped artistically over the package, forming an interesting shape much like the stalactites you see on a tour through an underground cave. We had a good laugh over it. Any lessons here anywhere? I suppose one would be to buy a better quality candle that won't pull any surprises on you. The other would be to - I don't know. Any ideas?

Oh, by the way, I still haven't scraped the wax off the floor yet! Better get going!

Merry Christmas 2008

2008-12-25T21:15:00.000-08:00

I definitely need to write an addendum to the previous entry! As I looked back in my files, I realized that I only skipped my annual Christmas letter last year - not the several years that I eluded to! And besides, we have so much to be thankful for in our family - I have no business whining about what DIDN'T happen. So here goes - a short family update letter complete with NO picture because I still haven't learned how to do pictures. I sent this out to our families and a few friends as well via email WITHOUT our wonderful Thanksgiving picture because, again, I didn't know how to make it work! Use your imagination. We look pretty much the same since you last saw us except we look younger!

CHRISTMAS 2008

Christmas greetings from cold, snowy, brilliantly white Minnesota! When I wonder WHY we live here (as you in warm climates are wondering), I just take a good look out the window at the unsurpassed beauty of pure, glistening white, and I know. Well, I know until I have to step outside and brave the icy winds and navigate the slippery roads. Some of you have never experienced pushing a loaded grocery cart through a nasty, freezing, slushy parking lot to your car. Salt does wonders to the beautiful white stuff in short order. But in spite of all of that – we still love Minnesota. Besides, how can one ever truly experience the wonders of spring without enduring the trials of winter?

Anyway, it has been a while since we’ve updated you on our family so here goes and I promise to be brief. Kids first:
Jodi and Tony are still busy with their respective jobs – Jodi teaching 7th grade reading at Valley View Middle School and Tony running his Grounds Control business. This year he has added snow removal to his repertoire and has had plenty of work already. They both are still very involved with the music and youth ministry at their church.

Mindy is working part-time at our church as an associate music pastor and part-time at Starbucks. She was recently asked to add missions to her responsibilities at church. She lives in an apartment just down the street from us and we love having her so close.

Jeremy is busy working at the Apple store as the concierge supervisor at one of our malls and is enjoying it very much. He is dating a beautiful girl named Jennifer whom we love and recently moved north of us to a little place on Lake Minnetonka.

Steve and Diane are both at home now – Steve on disability and Diane still teaching piano, doing medical transcriptions for Words to Go, and working a few hours at church helping out with childcare. She enjoys singing in the church choir and participating on a worship team about once a month. The highlight of our week is still One-by-One Tutoring – a ministry that now has over eighty children in it and seventy or so volunteers. We’ve seen many of our kids come to Christ already this year. There’s just nothing better than that.

Well, that about wraps it up. Thanks for all your prayers for us over the years – we feel them. May God bless you abundantly and fill you with the riches of the knowledge of Him. Oh, come let us adore Him! Merry Christmas!

Love, Steve & Diane

Things Will Be Great

2008-12-22T21:11:00.001-08:00

I haven’t attempted to write a Christmas letter for the last few years because I just couldn’t think of what to write. A Christmas letter from the Dahlens was tradition – and I’m big on tradition. So to let it go was no small thing. Christmas letters are fun to write and to read when they are full of life and good things and blessings and progress. Much of the last three years or so, haven’t been that way for us. And who wants to read a letter full of illness and problems and struggles? Some people call Christmas letters “brag letters” and often they are –especially to those reading who seemingly have nothing to brag about. I find myself in that category once again this time around. I have nothing much to brag about in the natural. I did have a thought the other day though that might be worth sharing. Maybe from God’s viewpoint, the last three years for us have been the best of years – where He was able to accomplish inside of us something that would not have happened in any other way. You know “the worst of times, the best of times.” Sometimes I really believe that, when a surge of faith comes, as God seems unusually real in a prayer time or speaks profoundly through His Word or through a book or someone else. At other times, the difficulties of daily life seems to smother any sense of spiritual growth. I want to be a person who remains full of joy no matter the circumstances and I pray to that end. I’m not sure how to get there, but God is giving many opportunities to learn how.

Don't be mistaken. We have experienced wonderful blessings along the way. God has delivered us more than once from impossible situations. He has answered prayer time and time again.

And so, we come to the end of another year. I read in my journal the other day that at the beginning of it my slogan was “Things Will Be Great in 2008.” I really believed it and looked forward to God doing new and wonderful things. In reality, the kind of “greatness” I had anticipated did not come. However, I choose to believe that from God’s perspective, greatness did come in the form of changed hearts, growing faith, deeper trust.

Thank you, God, for a great year. Merry Christmas!

A Little Child Shall Lead Them

2008-10-04T19:56:00.000-07:00

I started a new "job" a month or so ago and I now have the privilege of helping with a before school child care program a couple of times per week. It has been rather eye opening for me to realize the difficult home situations so many kids come from. I hear kids referring to "my mom's boyfriend," or making statements like "I'm going to my dad's this weekend, or "My other mom was in a car accident."

One little girl named Izzy arrives rather distraught quite often. She keeps her little backpack close beside her and often sits in a corner by herself unwilling to relate to anyone. Her dad left the house last spring because of a drinking problem and she hasn't seen him since. One day she came in very out of sorts. She curled up in the little shelving space immediately inside the door, crying and refusing to be consoled. Another little girl, Katie, noticed the situation and would periodically kneel down beside her, pat her gently and reassure her all would be well. At first she received little response. A bit later, I noticed the girls chatting about a toy Katie had brought over to her. Izzy's tears had stopped and although still curled up in the cubicle, she was relating well to her little friend. Within an hour, both girls were playing happily together creating some sort of "play" they then performed for everyone. Both adults in the room had had no success in reaching Izzy. It took a kind, patient and understanding child to break through the unhappiness and bring comfort. There were no lectures given...only a soft pat on the back and a toy offered. I learned much that day and saw in a new way what Jesus meant when He said we need to become like children.

The Magnificent Six

2008-08-15T14:44:00.001-07:00

There were seven of us - spanning twenty-four years and four decades. Now there are six. The second born, Ken, went to heaven ten years ago. We are all getting older, now in our fifties, sixties, seventies and eighties. The youngest are barely hanging on to a rapidly passing decade; the oldest just past another landmark birthday. In either case, we had the privilege of all being together for an evening two nights ago. It used to be that we were the picture of youth, the vitality of middle age or enjoying the senior discounts, howbeit barely. Now it seems we are morphing into the same bracket - greyer, slower, portlier, more content with sedentary activities rather than rousing games of anything. But some things never change. We still love going down memory lane, laughing loudly, retelling jokes and stories and especially loving each other. I am blessed beyond belief to have a family like I have. I thank God for each day we do have each other and look forward to many more happy times together. I want to put a picture here and I will when someone shows me how - again! The Magnificent Six - LeRoy, Norma, Dick, Pat, Diane and Terry.

This Apple Is Rotten!

2008-08-09T20:52:00.000-07:00

Today was frustrating - actually the last few days have - no, make that a few weeks...no months. We bought an Apple Mini several months ago with the intention of making the switch from our aging PC imminently. Well, sickness got in the way....procrastination got the best of us....shortage of time was a factor....fear was another. I don't like change - I'm used to things as they are. I use certain features in my work that I was unsure the new computer could duplicate. Macros for one. In my work for Facial Pain I use it for letters, signatures, addresses, etc. and in a couple of quick clicks - walla! Done! Auto text is another irreplaceable feature. I have hundreds of words, phrases and sentences all ready to go with a click on the Enter key. I would have to start completely over on the new Apple and I just didn't want to do it. And my email needed to be set up again and the addresses transferred over. So today we got serious. Steve spent many, many hours on the phone with the experts and made a quick trip to the Apple Store. Result? My email still doesn't work; we found out that the new Word program dropped their Macro feature and that all the stuff I laboriously entered in auto text yesterday hadn't been saved for some dumb reason and was gone! Oh, how I love computers. Can't live with them and can't live without them. At this moment, I think I'd refer to live without one rotten Apple!

The Chapmans on Larry King

2008-08-07T20:24:00.000-07:00

I just watched Steven Curtis Chapman and family do an hour-long interview with Larry King regarding the tragic death of their 5-year-old daughter. They were very real, very honest and I think of tremendous comfort to the vast numbers of people and families who are currently suffering from some inexplicable tragedy. Their testimony was clear - that even though they have no answers as to "why" and even though they have struggled with anger at God - and even though they are still coping one day at a time with each other's help and the help of counsellors, they still rest in the hope of eternal life and in the love of their heavenly Father.

The Chapmans now have a brand new dimension to their ministry - one that can only come through suffering.

A Thirty-ninth Anniversary

2008-08-07T06:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the thirty-ninth anniversary of an event that forever changed my life and the lives of my entire family. A tornado ravaged our vacation site near Outing, Minnesota taking the lives of my mother and two of my nieces. My best friend's mother and grandparents were also swept into eternity by the violent winds. In all, seven in our group lost their lives that day. The rest of us involved were saved by the water. Our cabins were thrown into the lake, broke apart and scattered, but the water provided a safety cushion for most of us.

Having survived such a tragedy, one would hope that the new perspective on the fragility of life would remain - that one would cherish life and loved ones and friends so much more keenly; that the idea of taking people for granted would be a foreign one. However, life moves on...no, it charges on, memories fade, feelings change. I'm wondering today that perhaps I need to revisit those perspectives once again and begin to cherish afresh. And so I will.

Fall Down Go Boom

2008-08-05T20:57:00.000-07:00

It has been probably close to fifty years since I fell and scraped up my knee like I did yesterday. Ouch. One does not forget that feeling over a lifetime I guess. I was hauling two bags of groceries into my house from the car...my foot caught on a beam of wood that borders the sidewalk and down I went. Fortunately for me, in my left hand was a bag containing two boxes of cereal and one carton of eggs and my purse. They definitely cushioned my fall somewhat, but still my right knee and hand scraped against the pavement. I lay there for a moment taking inventory of my injuries and of course, checking around to see if anyone saw me! No one was around so I cautiously got to my feet, picked up my smashed box of cereal and slimey bag of eggs and made my way to the house. Would you believe, only four eggs were broken? Either they were hardboiled or I fell more gracefully than I thought!

Anyway, there are some experiences that maybe repeated occasionally throughout life and even though it may have been fifty years since the last round, it feels like just yesterday.

Precious Lord, Take My Hand

2008-06-23T20:43:00.000-07:00

I received this story from a friend today and thought it was worth sharing.

THE BIRTH OF THE SONG 'PRECIOUS LORD'

Back in 1932, I was 32 years old and a fairly new husband. My wife, Nettie and I were living in a little apartment on Chicago 's south side. One hot August afternoon I had to go to St. Louis where I was to be the featured soloist at a large revival meeting. I didn't want to go. Nettie was in the last month of pregnancy with our first child. But a lot of people were expecting me in St. Louis . I kissed Nettie good-bye, clattered downstairs to our Model A and, in a fresh Lake Michigan breeze, chugged out of Chicago on Route 66. However, outside the city, I discovered that in my anxiety at leaving, I had forgotten my music case. I wheeled around and headed back. I found Nettie sleeping peacefully. I hesitated by her bed; something was strongly telling me to stay. But eager to get on my way, and not wanting to disturb Nettie, I shrugged off the feeling and quietly slipped out of the room with my music.

The next night, in the steaming St. Louis heat, the crowd called on me to sing again and again. When I finally sat down, a messenger boy ran up with a Western Union telegram. I ripped open the envelope. Pasted on the yellow sheet were the words: YOUR WIFE JUST DIED. People were happily singing and clapping around me, but I could hardly keep from crying out. I rushed to a phone and called home. All I could hear on the other end was 'Nettie is dead. Nettie is dead.' When I got back, I learned that Nettie had given birth to a boy. I swung between grief and joy. Yet that same night, the baby died. I buried Nettie and our little boy together, in the same casket. Then I fell apart.

For days I closeted myself. I felt that God had done me an injustice. I didn't want to serve Him anymore or write gospel songs. I just wanted to go back to that jazz world I once knew so well. But then, as I hunched alone in that dark apartment those first sad days, I thought back to the afternoon I went to St. Louis . Something kept telling me to stay with Nettie. Was that something God? Oh, if I had paid more attention to Him that day, I would have stayed and been with Nettie when she died. From that moment on I vowed to listen more closely to Him. But still I was lost in grief. Everyone was kind to me, especially one friend. The following Saturday evening he took me up to Malone's Poro College , a neighborhood music school. It was quiet; the late evening sun crept through the curtained windows. I sat down at the piano, and my hands began to browse over the keys. Something happened to me then. I felt at peace. I felt as though I could reach out and touch God. I found myself playing a melody, once into my head they just seemed to fall into place: 'Precious Lord, take my hand, lead me on, let me stand, I am tired, I am weak, I am worn, through the storm, through the night, lead me on to the light, take my hand, precious Lord, lead me home.' The Lord gave me these words and melody, He also healed my spirit. I learned that when we are in our deepest grief, when we feel farthest from God, this is when He is closest, and when we are most open to His restoring power. And so I go on living for God willingly and joyfully, until that day comes when He will take me and gently lead me home. -Tommy Dorsey-

For those too young to know who he is, Tommy Dorsey was a band leader in the Thirties and Forties. Did you know that Tommy Dorsey wrote this song? I surely didn't. What a wonderful story of how God CAN heal the broken-hearted! Beautiful, isn't it?

Doggone It!

2008-06-13T09:32:00.000-07:00

Today I am posting an e-mail I received from my son, Jeremy, the other day that is just too good not to share! Enjoy!!

I am currently dogsitting (and housesitting) in Bloomington. I've told a couple of you about the dog, named Maggie, who is so old, so blind, so deaf, and so almost-dead that each time I see her sleeping I have to watch really closely to see if she is breathing (and after last night, cross my fingers and hope that she has died.)
I arrived home around 10 last night. As usual, the dog had gone to the bathroom all over the kitchen. Great. "MAGGIE!!!!" I screamed, trying to rouse her from her nap, "IT'S TIME TO GO OUTSIDE... MAAAAAGGIE!!!" She doesn't move. I wonder if she is dead. She isn't.
12 AM: I am awakened at midnight from a deep sleep by a very loud and scary, methodical noise. My first irrational thought is, "Someone has broken in. This is OK." My second thought is, "Wait a second... what is that?" My third thought is, "Maggie. Stupid Maggie." I get out of bed and stagger into the hall to find Maggie standing in the hall with her head in the closet, wheezing louder than an old man with asthma. I touch her lightly and she stops making the horrendous noise. I pull her head out of the closet and try to lead her to her bed. After about 10 minutes we make it the 10 feet and it takes her 5 minutes to lay down. I wash my hands and go back to bed.
3 AM: I begin to wake. I hear a familiar noise. Groaning... loud groaning. I throw my angry legs over the bed and stalk down the hall to find her. I find her, standing into a corner, moaning. I touch her and she jumps... I wonder if I've given her a heart attack. I sort of hope I have. I lead her back to bed, and when I get there, I notice blood on it. Ugh. She won't lie down. In fact, she walks into the kitchen and towards the door. I race ahead of her and throw it open (so she won't walk into the glass). She stumbles outside, falls down a makeshift ramp that covers the stairs, and disappears into the darkness. I fall back into bed and fall asleep.
4 AM: I awake with a cringe. A blood-curdling noise is echoing in the night. It takes me a second to gather my thoughts, and try to expel the thought of driving to Wal-Mart, buying a shotgun, sawing it off, and shooting that damn dog. I resist. The pained yowl rises again... I stick my head out the door and yell as quietly as possible... "Maggie!" It doesn't work. At this rate the neighbors will be up in no time. I suppress my rage, run to my room, grab my pants and shoes, pick up a flashlight, and run into the backyard to find the dog. The beam pierces the darkness and I find... nothing. Where is she? I fight a couple of dating bushes and suddenly there is is, TRAPPED in the bush, yowling for help. I free her and lead her inside. On the way she trips UP the ramp/stairs but successfully locates the door. Walking down the hall, she finds her bed and stands in it. I try to sleep... no luck. I hear the dog. I look down and notice she is trying to stick her head inside my shoe. Whatever.
The sun rises and I'm up... again. Maggie has found a place to sleep and is doing so quite soundly. I step over her and find my shoes. I check my left shoe before pulling it on, remembering Maggie's curiosity... I quickly check my right shoe and then do a double-take. Strange piles of unknown substance have been deposited into my $70 shoe. I suppress more rage, pick a different pair, grab my keys, and leave the house for work.
Look for more, ADVENTURES WITH MAGGIE.
Also look for, MAGGIE'S LAST STAND and MAGGIE AND THE BUTCHER

Things I Want to Learn # 9

2008-06-01T20:14:00.000-07:00

I want to learn how to arrange my perspective properly so that instead of reducing God to the size of my problems, I see God for who He is, thereby dwarfing my problems. God is God and there is none other. Nothing is impossible with God and nothing is even difficult for Him. He is omniscient, omnipresent, Creator of the universe and holds all things together by the Word of His power. He sees the past, the present and the future and has all our days numbered before we even existed. He knows what is best and can masterfully arrange the details of our lives to make sure the best is accomplished! God is HUGE and compared to the awesome greatness of God - my problems are NOTHING! There isn't such a thing as a big problem or a small problem with Him. He can just as easily raise the dead as find us a parking spot! AND He is utterly trustworthy and loves us with an everlasting love.

God, help me keep my perspective and see You for who you are!

May Is Done and Spring Has Sprung

2008-05-31T20:46:00.000-07:00

My favorite month has come to a close. What a month it has been- full of ups and downs, unseasonably cool weather and groanings sometimes too deep for words! On May 1 I wrote. "As the world comes alive with leaves and flowers, I long for new life to begin in my husband's body. New spiritual life and fervor has indeed been birthed in us both as we've been abiding ever closer to the Vine. But wouldn't it be great if physical vitality would match that and he would indeed have his "youth renewed like the eagles - that he would run and not be weary, walk and not faint?" The early weeks of May held more doctor appointments, more disappointments, more difficulties without much relief from the relentless sickness....until a few days ago. Steve began to feel better. He was up and around more - involved in life more. Time for his six-month colonoscopy (don't you wish you could be on that schedule?) We didn't have high hopes but were not full of dread or fear either. We were rather peaceful as though whatever happened would be okay. (That HAD to be supernatural - especially for me) The procedure went well and there was no subsequent fever or illness as had happened six months ago. The doctor said there were "no surprises" in the process and would call us as soon as the lab reports came in. We expected to have to wait over the weekend, but we are accustomed to the waiting game. Friday afternoon, Dr. McCabe called and very matter of factly stated, "Nothing alarming seen - no dysplagia - just mild active colitis." Wow! Dr. McCabe was not impressed with his findings as he is convinced that once a person is diagnosed with dysplagia (as Steve was a year ago or so) one has it - it doesn't go anywhere. "This doesn't change the fact that you still need surgery," he said. Of course, we've been told that surgery isn't an option for Steve because of his other complicated health problems....it's just too risky. And that's why this news is so fantastic! Well, whatever the future holds, we know God has once again done an amazing thing and we are so grateful. Steve felt so good yesterday, he said he was almost euphoric! Maybe soon he will be running without getting weary and walking and not fainting! Nothing is impossible with God!

And so May finished with a dash of real spring for us! Looking forward to June. I wonder what wonderful surprises God has planned.

Uncertainty

2008-05-28T20:36:00.000-07:00

I am encouraged and motivated to trust God with the uncertainties of life just now. How did I come to that? Two reasons: One is the sermon Pastor Vargas gave last Sunday at our church on Philippians 4. You know the familiar passage we often read but don't put into practise? "Don't worry about anything, pray about everything." Here are his main points: 1) Take your worries and turn them into prayers. 2) Set your mind on positive truth (see Phil 3:8 which tells us the kinds of things we are to think about. Worry is negative meditation.) 3) Surrender. If it's in your hand, it means it's not in God's hand. Surrender doesn't mean giving up, it means releasing control. Number three is definitely the biggie. Surrender means that I quit praying for what I want and dictating to God how He needs to act, and start seeking Him for who He is and letting Him do what He does best - MY BEST.

My second reason for ability to trust God with uncertainty, at least at this moment, comes from the insites and encouragement of a book called "In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day." There's so much good stuff in it, I can't begin to summarize. But here a few goodies:

Opportunities often look like insurmountable obstacles.
Someday we may be as grateful for the bad things as the good things, because the bad things helped prepare us for the good things.
We should stop asking God to get us out of difficult circumstances and start asking HIm what He wants us to get out of those difficult circumstances.
Prayer is less about changing our circumstances and more about changing our perspective.
Worship is forgetting about what's wrong with you and remembering what's right with God.
Stop spending all your energy making plans for God, and start seeking God.
Your explanations are more important that your experiences. While you can't control your experiences, you can control your explanations.

I could go on and on and I'm only half way through the book! Anyway, for this moment I am okay with uncertainty. As long as I can keep turning my worries into prayers and surrendering control to God, I may be able to remain okay. How are you doing today?

Divine Appointment

2008-05-20T19:34:00.000-07:00

I am amazed at how God orchestrates divine appointments. He knows just what we need at just the right time. I was discouraged, sad, fearful and a little angry last week. It seemed that no matter how much we prayed, God was not on the move. Steve was feeling poorly - more of the same and some newer discomforts. We were both weary of the battle, tired of the fight and in a figurative way, ready to check out. Whatever that means, it is sometimes a comforting thought in an odd sort of way. I was to meet a friend of mine, Laurie, for lunch last Friday. She and I don't know each other well, and see one another seldom as she lives in Iowa. We have kept in touch via email and have prayed for each other during some pretty tough times. Laurie recently went through a scary bout of cancer and we rejoiced in God's healing work in her life. She was in the area for a doctor's appointment and had brought a good friend along, Nancy, whom I had never met. My mood that day was less about meeting friends for a good time, and more about getting out of the house for a change of scenery. As soon as I saw Laurie and met her friend, though, I knew it was going to be a great couple of hours. There were hugs all around, even between strangers and assurances of concern and prayer for us. Our conversation moved easily from the every-day frivolous to the stuff that really mattered. Nancy shared her testimony with me of how God healed her just a few months ago of a serious brain concussion. She had been driving her business van and was rear-ended by a Mack Truck! She went from a confident, self-sufficient, successful business woman to a shut-in, in that moment. The pain in her head, the magnified sounds in her ears kept her secluded for three months. During that time, God revolutionized her life and ultimately healed her. I shared some of Steve's story (it's really "our" story) and I can almost feel the faith welling up inside her. "It's time to go to battle," she says. "I feel such faith for this man I've never met. You are at the end of your trial - God is going to do something great." She prayed with great conviction, authority and faith. We parted friends and I decided that I want to grow up to be this kind of woman! Faith - joy - optimism spilling out every pore!

Steve started to improve and has had a few better days. He looked at his most recent blood tests at the doctor's office today and many of his levels have improved significantly. He has more energy than before and some of his symptoms seem to be lessening. We are encouraged to press on, to persevere and never give up. If God is FOR us, who can be AGAINST us? The battle is the Lord's - and He has won it!

Praise God for divine appointments. He knows just what we need at just the right time.

Blackbird Bluff

2008-05-10T20:17:00.000-07:00

I pulled my car into the parking lot of a very lovely little park, where I was to meet a dear friend of mine whom I hadn't seen in over a year. A sleek shiny blackbird on the grassy area in front of me caught my attention. He was busy pecking at a small wad of bread, enjoying an unexpected treat, I'm sure. A much larger blackbird circled him menacingly - moving in closer, then hopping back. I could almost hear his bird voice squawking, "Drop it buddie and I mean now!" I wondered why the smaller bird seemed oblivious. He was not in the least frightened and he continued to enjoy his dinner. After a moment, the bully bird backed off and he was suddenly the same size as the other bird. He had puffed his feathers out in an attempt to look big and scary. The smaller bird knew he was a bluff and a phoney and paid him no mind.

I immediately thought about how the Bible describes our enemy, Satan, as a roaring lion, prowling around looking for someone to devour. A lion who roars is not to be feared because he has given his presence away allowing his prey time to escape. When we are in tune with God, we don't need to fear Satan's tactics. We will hear the roar a mile away and and take appropriate action to see to his defeat. Satan's roar is not to be feared because compared to God, he is all black bird bluff. Let's pay him no mind!

The Doctor's Appointment

2008-05-07T20:47:00.000-07:00

Doctor appointments have become a bad habit with us these days and believe me, they are NOT my favorite thing to do. I've read about people who take a purse full of Gospel tracts with them when they are undergoing series of treatments or are on a course of follow-up appointments, and share the love of Jesus both in smile and word. They are such a testimony to the love of God and the peace that only God can give in grave circumstances. I envy such people. I'm certainly not one of them. I am in endurance mode from the moment I leave the house. My face and words do not reflect perfect peace - more of a "I can't wait to get this over with" look. (I hope God understands my inability to be a medical witness.) Anyway, today was supposed to be a sort of conclusive appointment. You know, the kind when all the various specialists have completed their investigations, written their reports, faxed them appropriately, discussed the case thoroughly and come to a united conclusion. I must admit I had my doubts on the drive up. How many times in the past have we walked into a doctor's office to discuss a scan, some bloodwork or other test, only to have the doctors say, "I haven't seen any reports on that yet." What!? Doctor so-and-so assured us he would have that sent over pronto! And so it goes....Anyway, my doubts were confirmed when the doctor walked into the room this morning and announced a conclusion he had gleaned from another specialist that was flat out opposite of what we had been told! This doctor had not seen any reports, read any conclusions, seen the MRI or ultra-sound test results and seemed almost clueless. AAAGGGHHH!!! He changed his mind a couple of times as to his recommendations and called in another doctor in the office to take a look see and give an opinion. Goodness sakes! I've concluded that doctors are overloaded with sick people. It must be too hard to keep everything straight. I think Mr. Doctor's cell phone rang at least five times while he was with us. He only got into a conversation once; the other times he checked to see who it was, mumbled something about calling them back and got back to us.

Are we supposed to entrust our lives into the care of people who are flawed?! Doctors who are overloaded and who can't possibly handle all of the details involved in each patient's care? Thanks goodness, we are not! We must trust God with our lives. He is the Great Physician. Doctor Jesus doesn't forget or make mistakes. We have cried out to Him afresh tonight to be our Deliverer, Savior, Healer, Helper, Strength. Oh, how we need him.

May Day

2008-05-01T20:21:00.001-07:00

Today is the first day of my favorite month. Every year I try to stretch each May Day to the max. I strive to notice every nuance of spring emerging - to hang on to the time. Alas - each year the month flies by just as the others do. How I long for miracles this May. As the world comes alive with leaves and flowers, I long for new life to begin in my husband's body. New spiritual life and fervor has indeed been birthed in us both as we've been abiding ever closer to the Vine. But wouldn't it be great if physical vitality would match that and he would indeed have his "youth renewed like the eagles - that he would run and not be weary, walk and not faint?" Someday every day will be May Day - not in the sense of emergency - but in the sense of fresh, new, fragrant blossoms and never ending beauty. What a great reward awaits us as we are faithful to Him. Thank you, God, for May and the promise of new life and an eternity of joy.

Things I Want To Learn # 8

2008-04-30T21:11:00.001-07:00

I want to learn how to budget my time to allow myself the pleasure of adding to my blog occasionally. At times, something comes to mind that I'd like flesh out a bit in words, but then I forget about it before I make it to the computer. Oh, dear. Sometimes I feel like my brain is too full of random stuff to really formulate any clear, decisive thoughts. Wouldn't it be great to be able to click and drag to the trashcan all unnecessary thoughts? Think how much more room we'd have to kick around profound ideas. Or not.

Things I Want To Learn # 7

2008-04-01T20:55:00.000-07:00

I want to learn to be satisfied with God. It’s so easy to sing, “You are my everything - you are my all in all” so methodically and somewhat glibly on a Sunday morning. Yeah, who am I kidding? God is my EVERYTHING? I think not. I need a ton more than Him to keep me happy…my husband, my children, my relatives and friends, my ministry, activities that add value and worth to my life, and some FUN, for heaven’s sake! Is it possible to really experience God in such a profound, filling way that nothing else is necessary?

Jesus often used physical realities to teach us spiritual truths...many times using our basic need to eat and drink to make His point. He told the Samaritan woman that whoever would drink the water He gave would never thirst…in fact the water would become a spring of water welling up to eternal life. He said another time that He was the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone would eat of that bread, he would live forever. He said if anyone was thirsty, he should come to Jesus and drink. He said we should not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life. He said he was the bread of God who gives life to the world. Whoever comes to Him will never go hungry and whoever believes in Him will never thirst! Sounds like a pretty satisfying way to live.

The prophet Isaiah spoke as inspired by the Holy Spirit, “Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat. Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me and eat what is good and your soul will delight in the richest of fare! (Isaiah 55:1-2)

So I ask myself…what does it feel like to be satisfied with God? How will I know? Well, after a good meal I feel content, satisfied and energized. I’ve had enough food for my body. Evidences of a satisfied soul would be a mouth filled with praise (Psalm 71:8), a grateful heart, an attitude of prayer, joy (I Thes. 5:16) and peace that passes understanding (Phil 4:7). I don’t think any of these attributes depend on the prevailing circumstances. They simply are.

Satisfaction then must then come by a daily diet of spiritual food and drink - a constant returning to the Bread of Life and the Living Water! I think of that old chorus:

Fill my cup Lord, I lift it up, Lord.
Come and quench this thirsting of my soul
Bread of heaven, feed me ‘til I want no more
Here’s my cup, fill it up and make me whole.

When I allow Jesus to finally permeate all the empty spaces in my soul with divine Bread and Water, I will then be truly satisfied. I'm not there yet - but my appetite is increasing.

“Taste and see that the Lord is good.” (Ps 34:8).

Happy White Easter!

2008-03-23T20:10:00.000-07:00

This is the first time in my memory when I found myself feeling more Christmasy than springy on Easter weekend. After all, the snowplows are out, the snowblowers are back in business, the world is glistening white from the smallest tree branch to the tallest rooftop. In church this morning, two different pastors accidently referred to today as being "Christmas." Greg introduced the morning's hymn as one we "usually sing at Christmastime." Woops. He quickly corrected himself. I remember as a child that Easter was the day we got to wear our new springy dresses, white sandals, gloves and Easter hat! Flowers were beginning to bloom and we were seriously into spring. Oh, well.

I am reminded of the song "Whiter Than Snow" and realize that the weather is truly appropriate for this season after all. Jesus' death has indeed provided a way for us to be whiter than snow.

Happy White Easter!

The Folded Burial Napkin

2008-03-23T19:41:00.000-07:00

Someone forwarded this message to me and it's worth sharing....

Why did Jesus fold the linen burial cloth after His resurrection? I never noticed this...The Gospel of John (20:7) tells us that the napkin, which was placed over the face of Jesus, was not just thrown aside like the grave clothes. The Bible takes an entire verse to tell us that the napkin was neatly folded and was placed at the head of that stony coffin.Early Sunday morning, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb and found that the stone had been rolled away from the entrance. She ran and found Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved. She said, "They have taken the Lord's body out of the tomb and I don't know where they have put him!"Peter and the other disciple ran to the tomb to see. The other disciple out ran Peter and got there first. He stooped and looked in and saw the linen cloth lying there but he didn't go in. Then Simon Peter arrived and went inside. He also noticed the linen wrappings lying there, while the cloth that had covered Jesus' head was folded up and lying to the side.Is that important? Absolutely! Is it really significant? Yes! In order to understand the significance of the folded napkin you have to understand a little bit about Hebrew tradition of that day.

The folded napkin had to do with the Master and Servant, and every Jewish boy knew this tradition. When the servant set the dinner table for the master, he made sure that it was exactly the way the master wanted it. The table was furnished perfectly and then the servant would wait, just out of sight, until the master had finished.

Now if the master were done eating, he would rise from the table, wipe his fingers, his mouth, and clean his beard, and would wad up that napkin and toss it onto the table. The servant would then know to clear the table. For in those days, the wadded napkin meant, "I'm done." But if the master got up from the table and folded his napkin and laid it beside his plate, the servant would not dare touch the table because the folded napkin meant, "I'm coming back!"

How we look forward to that day!!

The Stolen Jacket

2008-03-02T20:05:00.000-08:00

I almost stole a leather jacket from church tonight! Yikes! I had it on, zipped up, belt tied and was ready to go! As I walked towards the door, I stuck my hands in the pockets to pull out my gloves! What? Where did they go? Don't tell me I lost another pair of gloves. So...out the door we walked and were hit by the nasty, cold, damp, Minnesota winter. I reached up to pull my hood over my head as I recalled the warmth and protection it provided me on the way IN to church a couple of hours earlier. No hood - my leather jacket doesn't have a hood! Wait. This must not be my coat. I wore my long beige, cozy, warm jacket to church tonight! Woops. I race back to the coatrack, hang up the leather coat - that happens to be IDENTICAL to mine - size, style, brand name. My beige coat awaits me on another hangar. Whew. I can only hope that the real owner of "my" jacket didn't come looking for it during the two minutes I was being a thief!

Things I Want To Learn

2008-02-29T19:55:00.000-08:00

Okay, now for a list of "things I want to learn" during this trial:

1. I want to learn how to experience true JOY in the middle of it....not just from memories of past miracles, or from the expectation of a better future, but NOW. God is a God of the present - He is Jehovah Shammah - the God who is always there. He is a "very present help in time of need."

2. I want to learn to really trust God always - not for what He does for me - but for WHO HE IS! I want to learn to seek His face rather than His hand.

3. I want to learn how to "gird up the loins of my mind." I am a master of what I call "bird walks" of the mind. (Others probably call those "bunny trails.") I can go down a path of fearful thoughts and scary scenarios faster than the speed of light.

4. I want to learn to see other's needs glaring above my own - to take my thoughts off of myself and what I want - and focus on others.

5. I want to learn to automatically see the positive things, without having to go digging!

6. I want to know God so well that my first reponse to any situation is one of faith, not fear.

I'm sure there will be more but this is enough for now!

Positively Sick!

2008-02-27T10:20:00.000-08:00

There must be some positives to living with chronic illness. I decided to dwell on those rather than on the many negatives (like watching someone you love suffer). So I'm going to wrack my brains and come up with a good, positive list:

1. There's signifantly more time spent together. This allows time to read and pray together more often, have more conversations in general.

2. Shared time in the kitchen! It's great to have someone else around to rinse dishes, load the dishwasher, etc.

3. More meaningful and more frequent connection with friends and family. Phone calls, emails, hugs, concerned inquiries are all wonderful.

4. Reconnection with friends from the past. We received a phone call last night from an old friend we haven't communicated with for probably close to ten years. He said, "You've been on my mind for the last three weeks!" Wow! It's great to be remembered!

5. Recipients of a lot of prayer! To think of the number of people praying for us is humbling. It's also a reminder to me - am I remembering to pray for others and their needs?

6. Greater need for God! This is always good because it drives us to our knees more earnestly, more frequently and desperately than ever before.

7. Increased love of the Word! Finding those nuggets of Truth and feeding on the Bread of Life keeps us going.

8. Experiencing the peace of God beyond understanding. How can one ever know that kind of peace unless one is in a situation that defies peace in the natural?

9. Better understanding of the Body of Christ and the necessity of its proper function. There is nothing worse than feeling isolated in a time of trial. When the Body is working, there's the sense of "we're in this together."

10. Heaven is looking better all the time! Paul said he longed to go and be with Christ. Hmmm...can't say I really LONG for that right now - but the feeling is growing.

11. Realization that things could be MUCH WORSE! So learning to be grateful for every little thing - from the privilege of watching a movie, attending church together, running an errand, doing laundry, eating together, talking politics (like we know so much :) and the economy (don't get that at all!). Here's a biggie: NOT being bedridden. Lots of stuff to be grateful for.

I'll add more things another time as they come to me! Remember to give thanks IN and FOR everything!

Weakness = Strength

2008-02-25T20:27:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel like there's so much going on in your world that you are unable to separate your thoughts and feelings into any semblance of order? I usually like to analyze significant moments and hopefully glean some new truths from them...you know, make some logical, spiritual sense out of things as they happen. For a couple of months now, I've been living in a kind of fog. Circumstances are very uncomfortable, worrisome, the future unknown. I don't like this place. I want to know the why's, the when's, and that all my what if's are really "no problem." I have shed more tears, prayed more desperately and felt more helpless than ever before. I realize that I have no control over most of what happens in life....and definitely no control over what is happening now.

Now that I think about it, this place that I'm in is probably the place God wants me. It's not comfortable and I don't like it. You see, I am weaker, more dependent on God and less self-reliant, more prayerful, more desperate for God than I've ever been. Then I think of Paul's words, "I glory in my weaknesses, because when I am weak, then I am strong." So from God's perspective, I'm stronger than I've ever been. Hmm.....

The Snow Unstorm

2008-02-05T18:49:00.000-08:00

The snowfall yesterday, although mild and relatively harmless to a seasoned Minnesotan, became something significant for me. The snow fell gently, accumulating just a few inches. There was no wind to complicate things. Monday evening was very important – and we didn’t need any obstacles thrown in the way. One-by-One meets each Monday; Bible Club happens weekly and this Monday was particularly important because we were going to give the opportunity for our kids to make the decision to give their hearts to the Lord. We have taught them for months about Jesus and what it means to be on the narrow road that leads to heaven (our theme this year is The Amazing Race). I didn’t want to cancel! I received a couple of phone calls expressing concern about the inclement weather, the bad roads, the possibility of temperatures dropping, ice forming, and driving being treacherous. Our tutors pick up all the children and perhaps it wouldn’t be safe or wise to transport other people’s children. Should we cancel? I talked to several, trying to assess the degree of risk on the roads. I said a quick prayer for guidance and waited until the last minute to decide. Interesting note: The men I talked to were unconcerned. No big deal. It’s just Minnesota driving. The women were cautious, concerned by the unplowed side streets and the possibility of worsening conditions. I opted to go vote masculine! Let’s go for it! A couple of hours later, I’m driving to church. The roads are perfect…wet, a little sloppy but definitely safety navigable. Thank you God! Seven children made the decision to give their hearts to the Lord in Bible Club. I’m so grateful that a little bit of Minnesota winter did not keep us from giving the angels in heaven a reason to party!

Truth Sets Us Free

2008-02-05T16:18:00.000-08:00

I have been reminded again the last few days that we have an enemy who is dead set on our destruction. He wants us dead - spiritually and physically - or at least maimed and rendered ineffective. Our family has felt the heat of battle - both on the physical front (with Steve's persisting illness) and relationally as well. Fiery arrows found their mark, sad to say, and there were hurt feelings, harsh words and confusion. Fear was paralyzing. Somehow we had let down our guard. I'm so glad that Satan is a defeated foe, and although he does his damage at times, he has to hit the road when Jesus comes on the scene. And in our case, when we recognized that "our battle was not against flesh and blood, but against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realm," the darkness lifted, peace returned, and there was reconciliation. I'm learning more and more that I need to put on my armor daily, to take every thought captive, resist the lies of the enemy and live and breathe Truth. The Truth really does set us free!

Moved to Tears

2008-01-30T18:55:00.000-08:00

You know when you have picked up a good book when the forward brings you to tears. Of course, it depends on what kind of tears those are! If you're picking up a Left Behind book, your tears may be those of wonder (how can a book written this poorly be this popular?) A Francine River's book? You may cry as her literary and storytelling skill moves you so. If it's a Janette Oke book...well, you shed a tear... maybe because it's just so downright wholesome. If it's an A.W. Tozer book, your tears could be from the sudden realization of how desperately impoverished you are, how small your faith is and how much you need God. Listen to the first paragraph:

"This book contains strong medicine, bitter to the taste but potent if taken in contrition and in belief. For a generation content in is own smugness, emotionally exhausted by the claptrap and bunkum of some well-meaning but misled leaders, glibly familiar with all the niceties of careful theological phrases, the medicine may be too bitter. Only the hopeless will benefit. May the slain of the Lord be many; may the hopeless be multiplied. Only then can we experience what some of us know by rote." And then the final sentence: "For all who will hear, for all who will obey, here is God's answer to our need - Himself."

I have found myself at times in the "hopeless and slain" category and look forward to being challenged and changed by the truths put forth in "God's Pursuit of Man."

Available at your local Christian bookstore.

Frigid Roots

2008-01-29T20:32:00.000-08:00

It is SO COLD in Minnesota today. Why do we live here, I ask myself? We could have stayed in sunny, warm, predictable California where we had settled for thirteen years of our lives. But no, we opted to return to our frigid roots. I'll always remember the look on peoples' faces back in 1992 when we announced our decision to return "back east." Shock, disbelief, wonder at such folly. "Why? There's snow back there!" It was hard to explain to them that we had icicles in our blood, snowmen in our hearts, SEASONS in our DNA and most importantly, we had FAMILY in Minnesota. No amount of warm air and sunshine can replace FAMILY. We had celebrated so many holidays without them, missed them so dearly; we WANTED to come back to the cold! And so here we are...complaining like the rest, but unwilling to trade our family and friends in for warmer weather.

Stay warm!

August Rush

2008-01-28T20:31:00.000-08:00

If you love romance and are captivated by music, August Rush is a must-see for you! The story of an orphan boy, in the spirit of Oliver Twist, is a grabber. The villian is really nasty, the little boy brilliant and adorable, the supporting roles well cast and the music unbelievable. True to Hollywood, the story never would have happened had the main adult characters been virtuous, but at least that part is done tastefully.

Go see it. It's at the cheap theatres now and is well worth your $2.50

Learning

2008-01-27T19:44:00.000-08:00

Mindy is teaching me how to post a photo on my blog!

Out of the Mouth of Babes

2008-01-26T19:35:00.000-08:00

The last couple of weeks have been difficult as Steve's illness has returned. Relapses are never easy, but this one has been particularily discouraging because he was just on the upswing from his last flareup in November. Once again, God's people rise to the occasion and carry us to the Throne when we are too weak to get there ourselves. We were blessed one day last week to have a young family visit us, to encourage us with their testimonies of healing and to pray. We had never met them before and felt honored by their visit to us - strangers but family in the Lord. They came with their two little children - adopted from China. Two-year-old Leland has club feet, which hasn't slowed him down any. Happy and full of energy, he and his sister, Lilly, wiggled around on the couch while the adults talked. When it came time to pray, all four of them gathered around Steve. As Beth and Gary began to pray, Leland put his tiny hands on Steve's arm and began to "pray" as well. His little eyes were open, and he never stopped "talking" until his parents were done praying. Was it baby babble or baby prayer language? Whatever it was, we believe God heard his prayers. When were done, he gave Steve a big hug as though he had known him a long time. The faith of a child is beautiful to behold. And a little child shall lead them....

The Lost Glasses

2008-01-25T11:22:00.000-08:00

Okay, so it's time to relay the Saga of the Lost Glasses. A few months back, I finally relinquished the notion that my eyes were not going to go the way of the aged and that squinting and extra bright lights would alleviate my growing difficulty in seeing both near and far in an alternating fashion. Yes, I had purchased some cheap reading glasses some time back and had my driving glasses as well. But as time went on, I realized there were certain situations (like choir) where the benefits of simultaneous vision would be of great benefit. Therefore, I spent a good amount of money on a wonderful, classy looking pair of bifocals - and yes, regular bifocals WITH THE OLD LADY LINE! Since I have a propensity to lose items (see a previous entry), I was determined to PUT THEM BACK WHERE THEY BELONGED every time they came off my face, which was often, because I only wear them when absolutely necessary! I was doing admirably for a season. One day my glasses were missing. They were not in their case in my purse! They were not in the alternative places, ie: dressertop, countertop, pianotop, desktop, tabletop, laptop (J/K). I was distressed. I retraced my steps - back to church where I knew I had last worn them. I dug through both purses repeatedly and Steve did the same. I prayed and looked some more. I vowed (woops, we're never supposed to do that) that I would never buy another pair of expensive glasses. I just didn't deserve them. I would go through life with my cheapy cheat glasses and just make do! One morning, I saw my black purse on the couch - the same one I had looked through several times, and thought I'd take one more peak. Since it's a purse I only use on Sundays (if I happen to wear grey or black), it's practically empty as I transfer all the contents to my "every day" brown purse. (Aren't you glad to know that?) Can't hide anything there! The center zipper was open and there stuck in diagonally as though someone had just casually slipped them in, was my floral cloth case with my glasses safety tucked inside.

After cross-examining everyone in my family more than once, (did YOU do that?) I finally had to admit that God had decided to bless my day in a very practical way. He put my glasses in my purse. He does care about all the details of my life. Now I need to learn to trust Him more fully with all the BIG details of my life as well!

The Maze

2008-01-25T09:29:00.001-08:00

Two things I am reminded of today. One is that God is Present. He is the God who Sees – Jehovah El Roi. He is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob; He is the God who will come one day as Conquering King. But He is also the God of Now. He is the God of Diane. He is the God who sees – a very present help in time of trouble.

Secondly, perspective. Think about a maze for a moment. Walking through it can be a frightening experience (especially for a child) because perspective is very limited. Do I turn right or left? Which way is the path to the exit? I try this way and that way and hopefully make it through unscathed. A maze from a different perspective, though, is not at all scary. From above, one can see the whole picture and can guide the wanderer step-by-step, turn-by-turn, to the finish. God is that person looking at the labyrinth of our lives from His divine, therefore, perfect perspective. He sees the entrance, the twists and turns, the exit and exactly where we are along the path. And He will guide us step by step to freedom. Our job is to take one step at a time, not worrying about which turn to take, confident that He who Sees All, will direct. And yes, God understands that sometimes we are scared, because after all, we are only children.
God help me see life through your eyes and trust implicitly in your faithful, loving guidance.

Racey Blooper

2008-01-17T11:44:00.000-08:00

I have been involved in a weekly ministry called One-by-One Tutoring for the last ten years or so and for most of those years, have written and taught Bible lessons for the Bible Club. Through the years, some pretty ridiculous things have come out of my mouth, for which I get teased endlessly, until mercifully, the blunder is forgotten. My last blooper has remained untouched by my peers, probably because in the blur of activity every Monday night, it went out of mind before out of mouth. So I will tell on myself!

The theme for this year's Bible Club is "The Amazing Race - the Race of Life" and so in keeping with that theme, we try to begin each week with some race-related activity or relay. And so while I was introducing the relay to follow, I said, "We try to do something a little racey each week" - quickly followed by a short laugh and disclaimer...."Well, not racey....I mean...like a relay...." The adults in the room had a good laugh and that was the end of that!

Unseen Blessing

2008-01-16T11:38:00.000-08:00

Unanswered prayer, at least when it seems that, is just plain difficult to digest. We know God is loving, powerful, faithful to His Word and yet so often some of our deepest heart's cries don't seem to be answered. I said to my husband yesterday, "If I was God, I would answer my people's prayers!" He replied, "If you were God, you would know more." I guess that's what it boils down to. God is omnicient, He can and does do only what is best for us. God is love, He cannot act inconsistently with Love. It is not in His nature to do so. Since He is infinitely understanding and patient, always faithful, He can respond to us in no other way.

Thomas needed something visual. "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe." Jesus accommodated his need. I need a visual at times - I need to SEE God at work in order to believe. Oh, I see evidence of His hand everywhere I look. But I'm talking about a specific request. I need to see Him as Healer!

Jesus said to Thomas, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." God, help me be content in the not-seeing and be able to fully embrace the blessing in whatever form You send it.

In Christ Alone

2008-01-16T11:33:00.000-08:00

Some of the best song lyrics ever written - by Keith Getty and Stuart Townsend:

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease.
My Comforter, my all in all
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless Babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the pow'r of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His Hand
'Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

Amen and amen. Be blessed!

Sweet Dreams

2008-01-15T10:05:00.000-08:00

This is for anyone out there who is fifty or older. Those younger will not be able to relate at all, but should consider it seriously, as it is prophetic for you. Remember the days when you fell into bed exhausted, rolled over, closed your eyes and before you knew it, is was morning? Ah - I remember those days. I also remember the many times I would hear my in-laws query, "How was your night? Did you sleep well? Did you have a good night?" I always wondered why such questions? Just go to bed and go to sleep for heaven's sake! Now I find myself asking those same questions. For example, last night I went to sleep for a good hour and a half and had to get up to take care of a pressing matter. I worked at getting back to sleep, which I did, and then found myself looking at the clock at 3 a.m. Why? Who knows? Maybe it was reassuring to know that the clock was still there. I rolled over and once again fell asleep with effort. Then it was 5 a.m. - then 7 a.m. At one wakeful moment, I found myself biting my tongue. What in the world? Stress? Maybe. Worries about the current situation in our lives? Perhaps. If anything, it's a reminder to me that I need to "cast all my cares on Him because He cares for me." And certainly, I'm thankful even for sleep because that is truly a gift from God. Awake every two hours maybe could serve as a reminder to me that I need to be turning my heart heavenward at least every two of my waking hours or in reality, every hour - every minute! Anyway, for whatever it's worth, is my commentary on sleeping. Relate? Great. If not, someday you will! Sweet dreams!

The Old Dog Is Getting Older

2008-01-14T20:16:00.001-08:00

Our golden retriever/cocker family dog, Molly, has been with us for over twelve years. She was the cutest ball of fur ever and even though we vowed we would never buy a big, smelly, slobbery crotch sniffer, we did. She was irresistible. To be honest, she isn't slobbery or a crotch sniffer - she has never stooped to that canine level. But smelly she is and more so as she ages. Twelve is aged - in human years, over ninety. I have aged with her, albiet not as quickly, but just as certainly. I have a harder time getting up from a floor- sitting position, climbing the stairs and being perky, too. I like to nap more often, sleep later, eat more, exercise less and generally be lazier than I used to be. Molly and I identify with each other...well, not entirely. I am not apt to upchuck on the carpet regularly, leave pieces of my fur coat all over the house, claw the carpet irritatingly, have perpetual bad breath and demand to be let outside at inconvenient times. On the other hand, Molly is faithful, loyal, kind, patient, obedient and forgiving - always! Hmm....maybe this old dog needs to teach me a few new tricks!

Feeling Full

2008-01-13T20:06:00.000-08:00

I came away from church today feeling full. No, not from donuts and coffee...rather from the living water and the bread of life. That's how church should be always, but unfortunately it is not - for me, anyway. Sometimes I'm too full already when I get there....full of worries, self-doubt, fear, confusion...or just the cares of this world. When I'm like that, my ears sort of plug up and I can't hear what God is saying - my soul is sluggish - my mind semi-conscious. Today, though was different. The teaching was alive and vibrant, the worship heartfelt and real. I sensed God's presence and especially His love for me. I pray that every Sunday in 2008 is a banquet and that I can feast with abandon.

Losing Keys Is Contagious

2008-01-11T17:37:00.001-08:00

What is the deal with losing keys anyway? My last traumatic search began in November a few days after I lost my keys. You see, I didn't know they were missing right away because of some other traumatic circumstances. After I retraced my thoughts, then my steps, then re-retraced the previous, I pretty much gave up. I mean how many times can you go through your car, your purse, your semi-cluttery house looking for those babies? As I recounted the chain of events to Mindy, one link in the random chain stood out to her. We had taken her car when we took her dad to the hospital early one morning. I was in the back seat. Perhaps my keys had fallen out of my hand/purse and were innocently awaiting retrieval in her back seat!? I'll check, she said. I was ecstatic when the phone call came. Yes, indeed, my keys had been found. Unfortunately a few days later, I lost my new glasses - but that's for another entry. And...since that time, Mindy has lost her keys at least three times - all at church. I'm taking the blame and have repented in sackloth and ashes!

Getting Smarter

2008-01-08T19:41:00.000-08:00

I just read my son's blog again. The kid has such a way with words it amazes me. Then, of course, I recall that he is my son and I taught him everything he knows! Yeah, right! The truth is, that with every child we have, we loose just a bit more of our reserve brain cells - that's why our kids are always smarter than we are! :)

I'm sure glad I don't have to rely on my own smarts to make it through life. "If you need wisdom - if you want to know what God wants you to do - ask him, and he will gladly tell you." James 1:5 (NLT). Simple admonition, yet often I try to figure things out on my own. This year I want to rely on myself less and on God more and take Him up on His offer! (Hey, you may notice me getting smarter and smarter as the year goes along!)

Happy New Year!

2008-01-04T21:42:00.000-08:00

It's been almost one year since I made an entry. Good grief. Too much has happened to possibly recall, too many joys and sorrows and lessons learned to recount. So...let's start again. Happy New Year and may 2008 be a year of joy, healing, blessing and personal revival!

My resolutions for this year? I resolve to blog more if I feel like it, and do a better job of doing whatever else I should be doing - if it works out.

Happy New Year!

The Anointing

2007-02-07T20:38:00.000-08:00

Okay, so it has been almost nine months since I’ve blogged. It’s not that nothing significant has happened in life, it’s just that I don’t take the time to put it out there for the world. I really do blog – just the old fashioned way. I have probably dozens of journals that have accumulated over the years full of personal stuff – spiritual insights (at least I think they are) and therapeutic musings. Definitely nothing for the public to see. So after I get that done – I don’t have the need really to write more words. Actually it has been so long since I’ve entered the blogging world, that I forgot how to do it! I’ve putzed around quite a while this morning trying to remember my user name and password and never did succeed. Ah, the aging brain. I’ll have to wait until somebody gets home to help jog my blogged memory.

A passage of Scripture did kind of grab me the other day and I began to think about it in a different way. Remember the story of Mary, sister of Martha and Lazarus, and how she took a jar of very expensive oil and poured it on Jesus’ head? What a waste! Sell the perfume, use the money to help the poor, she was told. Jesus disagreed and silenced the criticism. The poor will always be around and you can always help them. But not me. The perfume is preparing me for burial. Jesus was anticipating a criminal’s death – no anointing oil for him. In Mary’s sacrificial act, she was showing the world that Jesus was no criminal even though the method of execution was reserved for criminals. But that isn’t what I saw in this passage –this time at least.

What kinds of sacrifices do I make for those I love the most – for those who won’t always be with me? The good deeds I do, the service for the poor and needy…I can always do those kinds of things because the needy will forever be around. But those special people (husband, children, family, dearest friends) may not be with me tomorrow. In loving, honoring, serving, giving I am in a sense readying them and myself for departure. No regrets there – only the satisfaction and joy of knowing I’ve done all I possibly could to make the journey home a wonderful one! Help me, Lord, to pour oil liberally on all the heads I love!

Nothing Profound

2006-05-27T20:13:00.000-07:00

I have nothing profound to say tonight except that I'm so glad it's springtime! I go outside, smell the fragrance of newly blooming flowers and just....smile! There's no feeling on earth like the feeling of spring and it can only be experienced AFTER enduring the long winter. We lived in California for thirteen years and although the weather was consistantly wonderful, I missed the expectation of warm air, fragrant breezes, fresh flowers, bright green foliage simply because WE ALWAYS HAD IT!

Is there a spiritual lesson in here somewhere? Maybe so. Sometimes we get so used to experiencing God's goodness we take it for granted. It often takes enduring a spell of good ole tribulation to wake us up to the fact that without God's abundant grace - life would ALWAYS be winter. Thank you God for the springtime of the soul - for forgiveness, salvation, joy, strength, and peace!

The Old Dogs

2006-05-02T08:55:00.000-07:00

I take our family dog on a walk on a weather permitting-basis and have for years. We walk together on a nice little path that circumvents what our family fondly calls “Hand Pond.” Molly has now surpassed me in dog to human years, and I’ve noticed her slowing down significantly as we walk along. In fact, she’s actually hesitant and yes, even reticent to accompany me on some days. I have to coax her out the door, which is in stark contrast to her younger days when she’d wag her backside off just at the prospect.

As for myself, I don’t think I’ve slowed down my pace yet as the dog to human years have passed, but I do know that something has changed. Let me tell you about Molly and my walking experience this morning.

We decide to go a different route today because of the heavy rains and the prospect of a muddy path so are on the sidewalk alongside 84th Street. Cars come and go and we trudge along paying them no mind. Then a car comes toward us and I hear frantic, excited, yipping, yelping - whatever it is dogs do. I quickly look up and there is a dog hanging out the window barking madly at Molly!! My mind does a flashback! I remember in my younger days when on occasion (may I clarify – VERY SELDOM), I’d hear a CAT call from a passing car. What’s just happened here?

Later in our walk, as we passed Poplar Bridge Park, we meet another dog walker. Her canine friend is small, has a mouth muzzle in place and fortunately a sturdy leash. This dog goes ballistic when she sees Molly and her owner can barely control her!

Once again I am upstaged by a dog - and an aging dog at that! Where are the CATS when I need them?!

The Missing Pieces

2006-04-28T08:32:00.000-07:00

I just finished a book called The Missing Pieces. It challenges our modern approach to evangelism and what we include and what we omit from the Gospel message. The missing pieces of the Law, conviction, repentance, transformation and judgment leave the Gospel presentation full of glaring holes in many evangelical churches these days. Can one be truly converted without completely understanding what the Gospel IS and what it requires?

I do have a dilemma. Let’s see if I can articulate it. Are there people who are so lost in their sin, so absolutely devoid of conscience and spiritual sensitivity, so strung out on drugs and alcohol that they need rescuing….and rescuing immediately? Could it be that they don’t even have time or mental capacities to come to an understanding of sin and its consequences and the course of action they need to take to experience salvation?

I met two young ladies from Teen Challenge last week. They were seated at my table at a Bible Study for women at our church. They told their stories briefly and there seemed to be many missing pieces in their conversion stories. I didn’t hear a thing about the law, conviction or repentance. I just heard the miraculous, awesome power of God – a God who met them exactly where they were – absolutely broken, near death, completely at the end of the line. In a moment’s time, they were both delivered from death and transferred to the Kingdom of His Son. Addictions gone, death defied. Transcendent peace overflowing. Did they know enough to even repent? Did they know how to step up to life? I don’t think so. They did cry out to God in their despair and He heard and delivered them.

So my dilemma is this. Can conversions such as these be authentic? Did God save them in spite of the missing pieces to their comprehension? Will they understand salvation and all its components later as they come to know the God who rescued them, as they begin to search the Scriptures? In other words, can a person be saved in spite of pieces that are missing? Can the puzzle be completed post-salvation?

The Drill

2006-04-26T14:59:00.000-07:00

Okay, so you know what I'm going to talk about, right? Well, maybe not. I could be referring to the kind of tool used in building furniture or repairing a bookshelf. Or it could be one of those horribly loud, nasty-sounding pieces of machinery that break up the asphalt on your local thoroughfare. No, the kind of drill I am talking about is a small instrument, held in a gloved hand on the end of a white cloaked arm attached to a shoulder supporting a goggled eyed, masked face about 2 inches from your own. This drill has a terribly high-pitched squeal to it that sends shivers up and down your spine and causes your hands to clench and legs to stiffen. It begins to whine when applied to your defenseless, benumbed tooth, causing pieces of it (your tooth) to fly and water to shower your face. In the hand of a skilled artisan, it does tremendous damage first to accomplish great good in the end. Can you imagine what would happen if that little instrument was in a novice's hand? Ouch.

Perhaps there is a spiritual lesson in this somewhere. But since I can't think of one right now, I'll leave the story as is. By now you figured out that I was at the dentist today - in preparation for a permanent crown placement in a couple of weeks. I am grateful for the drill I guess - grateful for the salvation of my tooth. So why do I hate it so much?? I think it's the sound.

Have any drill stories to share?

Speechless

2006-04-13T20:20:00.000-07:00

Hmmm...."thousands of unspoken words" I need an outlet for - that's what I said in the title. Don't have many of those today I guess. I do have a feeling though that is difficult to express in words. It's awe - gratitude - wonder at the power of prayer and the power behind the answers! You see, I've seen two definite miracles lately...one that God performed in the healing of my husband, Steve, and another in the healing of my brother. I experienced daily the gradual ongoing transformation of my husband as he moved from death to life a step at a time through a number of weeks/months. It was different with Leroy. I knew he had been in a lot of pain for a very long time but it wasn't until he was at the bottom both physically and emotionally that my family and I went to pray for him. That was just a few weeks ago. Tonight he looked like a different person....bright, pain dramatically diminished, optimistic. How can words express such a wonder? At times like this, one is speechless.

The Fear of Blog

2006-04-12T15:16:00.000-07:00

Okay. So I'm going to enter the blogging world. Why? I don't know. I guess it's because I love to journal and maybe after all the years of practice, I may have something of interest to say to someone else. Problem. My entries in my own private journal are....well....private....meant for my own eyes and no others - read only by God and myself if I ever take the time to read what I've written. Fear? Yes. I fear that someday after my demise, my children will haul out the old journals neatly tucked away in my nightstand (kids, forget I said that) and begin to "ooh and aah" their way through myriads of pages of my private hopes, dreams, fears and struggles. Do I want those revealed to my descendants? Probably not, but I fear I am helpless to do much about it.

And now the fear of blog. Yes. I fear I really don't have anything to say after all. I fear that the hundreds of pages I've written over the last 28 years are nothing more than therapy for a rather insecure, codependent kind of person and I dare not let others know that I really don't know how to put a sentence together after all. But what the hey! Bloggers aren't necessarily journalism majors, or even A students in English. They are just people who enjoy sharing words with others. And if anyone even bothers to read what I say, they can come to their own conclusions about whether or not their visit to my site was worth the time. And you know what? I don't care what they think anyway. Because writing IS therapy for me. I've written my way through many trials, through the ups and downs of life and found stability and sanity by it. As I've done so, I've kept God's Blog on my lap and found in that Holy Book the solutions to my problems, my struggles and time and time again, found the truth that has set me free!

So...read if you like. I can't guarantee you'll benefit at all, but I do know one thing. I will not be deterred by the Fear of Blog! I will allow the Fear of God to rule in my life and writings.